paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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