I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
