I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
