WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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