I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize