How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
