I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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