I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
