I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
