I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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