Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
