I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
