what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
