His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
