dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
