that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
