I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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