Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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