You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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