Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
