i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
