it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
