i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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