We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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