Me. At least after what I've been through.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
