well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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