Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
