so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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