As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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