those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
