no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
