i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
