Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
