He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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