Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm too high and old for this...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
