**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
