No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
