I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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