Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
