Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
