So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
