I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You smell like stripper and shame
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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