I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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