Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
