I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
