Bisexual people are plain selfish.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
