honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize