There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
In other news, I just burned my penis
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
