You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
