So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
