You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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