Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
