I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
