No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The ass gains better be worth it
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
