Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
