All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
