I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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