Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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