i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
