I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's never too late to be topless.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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