but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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