Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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