Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
