Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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