Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The feeling are messing with the penis
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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