I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
